Almost two years ago our little Isabella arrived and turned our world upside down...in the best possible way. As I look back through the countless baby photos, it is strange to think that not so long ago she was this tiny infant, so pure, so helpless. Now my sweet baby girl is no longer a baby at all. She runs and jumps, dances, twirls, and her need for me is slowly becoming less and less as she ventures into this new stage of "I can do it myself!" I am very excited for what the future holds for this little girl, but at the same time I do feel a little sad.
Maybe I'm sad because I realize that someday she won't really need me at all, she probably won't even want to be near me. She'll continue to grow up, make decisions on her own, and inevitably have her heart broken and possibly some dreams crushed along the way...All of which I know are necessary experiences in order for her to reach her full potential.
Then again maybe I'm sad because I want to be the mother of another child. I want my daughter to be a big sister. However, I know the amount of courage, the amount of faith, the amount of heartache it takes to bring my children into this world. I also know that I am not in control of this.
So at night when I am singing my daughter to sleep I will continue to just stare at my sweet girl. Her delicate long fingers. Her sweet button nose. Her rosy cheeks, and her beautiful black hair. These are the times when I will realize how blessed I am to even have this child in my life, to be a mother.
I will continue to weep for my child, to worry, to feel so completely inadequate, and continue to fall to my knees in absolute despair over this little girl. Until one day she will do the same for her little ones. It is very sad that we poor so much of ourselves into our children for what seems like such a short time and then they are grown...but the amount of happiness and the unbelievable blessings we receive makes it all worth it.
For now I will try to cherish this time when my daughter is still so young and does need her mother very much. Yes, I will try to cherish the tantrums, the screaming, the throwing of various objects. And I will most definitely cherish the hugs, the snuggles, and the kisses. Unfortunately these moments will someday only be memories...but how sweet those memories will be.
2 comments:
Bella will ALWAYS need you, Holls. Just maybe not in the same way she needs you now. It really is crazy how quickly they grow. When Hayden was a baby I was ready for each milestone. I wanted him to hurry and roll over, crawl, walk, etc. But now with Torrin, I see him getting bigger and I feel like it's happening SO fast, and I don't want it to. lol
It IS hard to cherish the tantrums, throwing stuff, hitting, etc. But then they do those other cute little things that are so easy to hang on to. :) You're a wonderful mom.
Hey. We found a place in Redmond, actually. It's pricey, but will be a much better commute for Allen.
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